She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize