In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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