I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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