Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
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