he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize