Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
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What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
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I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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