the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
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We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
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To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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