Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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