I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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