Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I haven't been this sober since birth.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize