i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
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I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
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pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
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