im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
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wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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