also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
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There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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