All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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