Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
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She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
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We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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