Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize