She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
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I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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