Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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