Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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