I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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