my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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