i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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