I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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