This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize