dude i'm inner monologue high
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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