Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize