her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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