i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
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you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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