just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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