Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
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