Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
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as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
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Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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