It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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