Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
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I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
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The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I am one with the molecules
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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