He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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