I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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