ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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