i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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