Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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