The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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