How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize