She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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