Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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