Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
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yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
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I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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