drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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