awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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