fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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