Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
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I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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