I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
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I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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