Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize