Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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